Distance
by DancingDragonBlaze
Summary: When you are far away from someone, do you forget? Or does it just make your heart ache more?


**Yo, ladies and gents! :D**

**Hm. I really don't know where this one shot came from. I was lounging in Mexico over winter break at like, two in the morning, and I suddenly got the quotation you'll see below in my head.**

**For some reason, that struck a part of me, and everything began to flow together.**

**It was amazing.**

**I love it when a story does that.**

**Well, this IS a one shot. **

**And I hope you all had a Merry Christmas and a happy new year.**

**And my birthday was January Ninth. XD WOO! :D**

**I hope this finds you all in good spirits! :3**

**One Shot**

**Distance**

"_They say it makes the memories fade, but I say distance only makes the heart grow stronger."_

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Ten years. Ten years, six months, twenty-seven days and counting since he left. Since I've seen him.

But it's strange. It feels like ten times longer than that. I would've thought I would've gotten over him by now.

But I haven't.

Everyone else thinks I have, though.

Hell, even I did, for a little while. I thought fucking random people meant I was okay again, even if I didn't remember their name the morning after. Made me wonder what name I screamed, if it wasn't theirs. I thought when I got together with someone – someone from the village – I was okay again. And for a while, I thought I was happy.

But then I saw the scar again. I saw the scar and then I remembered him.

I remembered who I belonged to.

So after a year and a couple of months of being together with that person, I drew them to the side and so very, very gently, told them that I couldn't do it anymore.

I told them that I loved someone else, and that being with them would only hurt both of us.

But when that person asked me who I loved, who took my heart away, I couldn't say the name. To say his name would be admitting it, and I always hate admitting things.

Especially when I see no reason to admit something I've known for several years.

I love him.

I HAVE loved him.

But he probably doesn't even remember me. He's probably a thousand miles away, living life without my memory. And if that makes him happy, I won't wish him any different. He has his life to live, and I have mine.

It's strange though. My life doesn't seem… _worth _anything without him.

He could be a thousand miles away, but if he just sent me a letter, or a message, or _something _from wherever he was, that told me he was doing okay and that he still remembered my name, it would make me happy.

It would make me happy for a very long time. Truly happy, even. _That _happy.

Because the happiness I carry with me now is fake, created from the memories of the past.

When everything was okay. When everything was _right_.

When I got to see _him _everyday.

But I suppose it doesn't matter any more.

Even if he _is _thousands of miles away, I would still want to talk to him. Just to see if he's okay. That's what I think as I stare out my window at the dark world, wondering where he is, and if he's okay – if he's happy wherever he is.

Wondering if he still remembers me.

I just wish I could see him again.

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Ten years. Ten years, six months, twenty-eight days and counting. Ten years since I've seen him.

Ten years since I've seen my sun.

I know, it's cheesy. And I know, you probably wouldn't expect it from me, but I don't know how else to describe him. He's just… _him_. If I am the moon, then he is my sun. We complete each other, no matter how _cheesy _that may sound.

If you don't like it, fuck you. I don't give a damn.

I'm so tense right now. So tense and so damn sad. I wonder if he thinks of me, if he's okay. I heard through the grapevine a couple of years ago that he's a bit of a nympho – what, with his stamina and all – so I just assumed he moved on.

I just never realized how much that would hurt me until right now.

There had never been anybody else. Sure there'd been fucking and whatever, but never a _someone_. After I cut out the best thing from my life without even knowing it, I seemed to cut out my ability to _have _a best thing. For these ten years, my _best _thing has simply been death. Death and blood and the occasional dreamless sleep and more death. It's made me tired. So damn tired.

I know he's happy. I know he's found someone he loves, someone he can fuck without thinking of me even once, and I can only wish him the best. You brought this upon yourself, I tell myself. So it's only right you suffer and let him live in happiness. He doesn't need you. He's _him_. He can find happiness in the craziest of places, and no doubt he's already found it.

He doesn't need you. He probably doesn't even want you.

Though the thought makes me sad, I'm not about to say 'no' to it. No, he does need me, no he does want me – I'm not about to say that. Because I know he doesn't. I know he's happy. I know he's moved on. I know because every time I manage to see him out on the outer streets of the village he always has this broad smile on his face – as if the entire world was on his side. I _know_. I know because he's _him. _He would never let my memory slow him down, I _know _he would never be sad long enough to never reach his dream. He's too happy for that. He's too… _buoyant. _

But I wish it were different. Just sitting on this tree branch in the middle of the night, gazing past the walls and into the heart of the village itself, wondering if he remembers me, makes me sad.

It makes me sad because I know he doesn't.

But I can only sigh and lean back against the tree, closing my eyes and telling myself that I'll step into that village. I'll step into that village _tomorrow_. _Tomorrow _I'll step back into his life and let him know I'm here. _Tomorrow _I'll breathe those words to him that'll make me or break me.

"_I'm here if you want me."_

Always tomorrow. I've been telling myself _tomorrow _for the past three years.

I never knew I was such a coward.

But I'm only a coward when it comes to him.

I'm afraid of it. I'm afraid that if I go to him he'll look at me and not remember. He'll look at me and wonder who I am.

That would break me.

So I stay away.

"_I'm here if you want me."_

Yes, I _am _here if you want me.

But only from a distance.

**End One Shot: Distance**

**I have to be honest. This one shot almost made me cry. **

**It's just… they're both so STUPID. T.T *wants to hit both of them***

**And if you don't know which is which, or who is involved, OMG, you're retarded. XD Lawlz.**

**Oh, and by the way, guess who's a massive fan of BREAKING BENJAMIN?! I AMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!!!! XD XD XD *heart***

**Love you all!**

**Ja ne!**

**DDB**


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